Recently, I got the news that my daughter won the coveted chairperson position of a leadership organization for girls at her school. My thoughts immediately went from pride, to a pause. Does she even know how to lead? I thought of her previous roles in school, church, camps, or her favorite sport of volleyball. They were mostly participatory experiences, and not the — everyone is looking at you to lead — level of involvement. I thought of all the things she needed to know and what I would share with others if they asked me. It came to me like whiplash: I would offer her social emotional learning (SEL) as a template for leadership. Here’s a few of the finer points of the conversation.
Number 1. Self Awareness
My first thought was that you need to learn about yourself in order to lead. You need to answer the questions, Who are you? What do you stand for? How does that align with what you plan to accomplish as a leader in this group? More importantly, how will you get others to buy into that vision? Self awareness is a critical part of one’s growth and development and this will be your first time truly testing it out with your peers. In our home, you may believe that you are a young adult prepared for the world but until you are tested and tried with the expectations of your peers, only then will you be able to say that you know what you are made of. Now is your time to leverage your strengths and use them strategically to accomplish your goals.
Number 2. Self Management
Being a leader also requires the ability to manage your mood, stress and anxiety, not only for yourself but to keep the members of your team together. You will have to sense the collective energy of the group and be mindful of the empathy needed for these variations. What will be the steps that you will take to practice self care and stay on top of all of the other expectations that you have as a student and senior preparing for college. I expect tears and breakdowns along with the feeling of being overwhelmed. However, there is no better time to have that test of your mettle than right now before you go out into the real world and desire to lead in more unsafe territory.
Number 3: Social Awareness
So, back to goals. We need to talk about why you wanted this position in the first place? What do you want to achieve now that you have it? How does it fit into the larger context of society? Social awareness means knowing the needs of one’s school, community and even moving the needle on state or national issues. I’ve heard you talk about this role and how its an opportunity to elevate the importance of women’s empowerment. Write those goals on paper, brainstorm the challenges, hang them on the wall, and don’t stop until they’re accomplished. This position will allow you to spread your wings as an individual due to the influence of the organization and collective body. You must ensure you use the position to advance the culture, move the needle on the power of young women’s groups, and leave a tangible impact that is the result of your innovative ideas. In short, this mission is bigger than you, even though it begins with you.
Number 4: Building Relationships
Being a leader requires one to build networks that allow you to accomplish your work. Relationships can make or break one’s leadership. Communication is key. Every interaction will be a testament on whether to depend on that person or not. And vice-versa. Develop trust of others by being consistent. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Allies will be key in completing all of your efforts, from your peers, teachers, front office staff to custodians. You will always depend on these folks to make every aspect of your work come to life. Respect them and know their value. Also respect the idea that in every organization 20% of the people do 80% of the work and 80% of people do 20% of the work. Everyone wont be as committed as you are. As a leader it’s on you to build relationships with folks that make them feel like they want to contribute to and unite behind the group’s mission.
Number 5: Decision Making
Decision making skills will be the final component of leadership that will guide the work that you intend to accomplish. Everyone has a voice and should be able to share their perspectives. The best way to keep all decisions fair is have a process for consensus and even consider the use of survey data tools to get people involved or simply keeping members on one accord. Allow the team to make decisions and only break ties when necessary. In that way they will have the pride in developing goals and owning the responsibility of having them come to fruition.
In closing, a leader always watches what they say about others, gets everyone’s voice, takes worthy risks, owns their mistakes, asks for help, and most importantly, they move the needle on the things that are important to them. You have to remember why you’re doing this. You’re gonna be stressed, mad, and may at some point feel alone and betrayed. However, people can also be inspired by how you lead. You’ve heard it from me a million times, if not you, then who? Leaders Lead. Yup, that’s a sentence. If you follow these simple guidelines for social emotional leadership, I guarantee that people will remember you as being a very special leader, and overall person.
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